The Constant Balancing Act...

Hey all,

I've discussed on this blog before my belief in the universal constant balancing act; some call it ying and yang. (I think me being a child of hippies maybe sinking in lol!) But I didn't really understand its power until recently.

I thought that big chunks of bad are balanced by an equal amount of good, but then I realised that everything has its own opposite. What may seem to be really bad at the time, may produce the best times of your life. There are many clichés which many of us are too quick to dismiss, but they are so true! Seriously, my recent job rejection has turned into the opportunity for me to spend more time on things that I am passionate about. It's that one door closes one... I have laughed at that in the moments of despair, but I don't think I am going to do that anymore.

From now on I want to focus on the positives. It is so much easier to look at the negatives when you feel rejected or dejected, but it is just not healthy. It is so much better to start looking for the good in the opportunities life brings you.

A side note, the universal balancing act is sometimes very much like the old metallic scales in my experience. It is not; a bad things has happened BAM good thing, it can be though! However, sometimes you get a build up of credit before the universe gives you back what you are owed. It can take years. It helps if you treat life with kindness and care, I think karma gives you the goodness back for that too.

I hope this post is helpful to you guys who are finding yourself in a period of bad times, please remember to look for the good as trust me it is in there. You will find it in your friends and family if nothing else, and I am always here too!

As always lots of luv,
Amber xx♥

Don't let life defeat you...

When it is all getting too tough,

When it tries to break you up,

Stand tall and be proud,

Aim your dreams higher than the clouds. 

They can't stop you,

If you stay strong,

You have to persevere,

You will still do stuff wrong. 

It's not something that should cause your demise,

You can weather any tide,

It may just take some time,

But you will walk in the sunshine.

Hope you are well guys, I'm here if you need me.

Luv,

Amber xx♥️

Music is a wonderful thing...

Hi all,

So a few days ago I was busting out a bit of Whitney Houston whilst making my parents a frankly delicious dinner, and I realised I have a really weird music taste, so I thought I would write a bit about it in this blog. Disclaimer - this is the highlights, I cannot write about it all unless I was writing a novel, I may do a part two at some point.

My music taste cannot be put into a category, I love a wide range of music and yet there is still some things that really piss me off (including but not exclusive to club music where they play the first line of an epic song - then drop the bass and stop the lyrics - angry amber lol).

Lets begin with the ladies: Taylor Swift seems to write my romantic life in song, I am really hoping it picks up as some of the songs are too realistic to my life its surreal. Whitney listening to her today was awesome, her range is just wow and the fact she sounds just as great in a remix as she does on the base track is frankly amazing - check out a remix of I Will Always Love You if you are a fan. Britney Spears you are a goddess, although I haven't loved her music as much of late and her early stuff will always be my favourite...Hit Me Baby One More Time <3. Gaga, the Queen, The Fame Monster, BTW, Artpop, need I go on, her voice is incredible and man can she write a catchy dance track just as epic as a ballad. I need to stop this at some point but I couldn't leave out Amy Winehouse as I have never listened to a more incredible album than Back to Black, I don't think anyone will ever be able to match her raw emotion and unbelievable talent, I am always sad that the world will not hear another album from her, she is sorely missed.

From ladies to lads I guess: I will start with the legend that is Jeff Buckley, man thank you for recording the hauntingly beautiful Hallelujah and the perfect The Last Goodbye, two songs that will never leave me. Bruno Mars, not only are you the best to see live, but all of your albums are fab, and please keep writing catchy songs because things like Natalie and Treasure are what make me smile. John Legend, All of Me is one of my favourite songs ever, enough said. Bryan Adams, Summer of '69 is a feel-good tune that even though I wasn't born then makes me wish I was :) also When You're Gone is one of the coolest songs ever written and I am glad you got sporty spice to sing on it. Ed Sheeran, + & x = some of the best pop songs ever written, Thinking Out Loud is also an incredibly moving song which I hugely love. Enrique, sing Hero to me in Spanish anytime... need I say more? Finally Justin Timberlake, have you ever written a bad song? I cannot pick an album I love the most out of Senorita and What Goes Around/Comes Around - they are both musically genius.

Bands wise there is a huuuge list, Maroon 5 and The Script are both beyond epic, I need their new albums in my life. The Black Crowes are by far the most chilled rock band I have ever seen play (carpet anyone? lol) Lawson, I love your first album, please can I have a new one soon and not your old one repackaged. I love Backstreet Boys, Five and N'SYNC, yes I have an appreciation for 90's boy bands - sorry, not sorry. The Killers, Mr. Brightside = best rock out song ever written. The Goo Goo Dolls, Iris is one of those songs music will forever be grateful for. Nickelback, I still love you, you remind me of a lot (sorry for the pun). The Darkness and the Jonas Brothers, thank you for being my first two concerts (in that order)  and finally to The Stereophonics, well when a guy sung Dakota on holiday I was the happiest girl alive, it's the perfect summer tune. 

Wow that was a lot,

I hope you all see why I said it was a long list, that's not even all of it,

Anyway speak soon,
Lots of love,
Amber xx♥

A good way to argue...

Hey guys,

Throughout my life, like many of yours I am sure, I have been faced with confrontation and dealt with it in a variety of terrible ways. But more recently, aided I think by my desire to be a barrister, I crafted my very own art of arguing, which to this day, works. 

A disclaimer before I start; confrontation comes in many forms. Sometimes someone will confront you with hurtful words and it will cause anger and tears, for moments that really break your heart, this method didn't even work for me. However in moments of arguement, when someone is just down right out of line; this method is kind of perfect. 

So basically people who are down-right wrong and lying, know full well they are, and they'll love to try to convince you they're not. But be firm and stick your ground, don't let anyone bully they're ideas past you just because they rock the foundations. 

Next, don't show anger. They'll love to know they got under your skin and will manipulate the situation from then. My best friend summed this up the best; "Lower your voice, strengthen your argument". Not only will it irritate the other person that you are not biting the carrot they are dangling in front of you but also it allows you to remain calm and focused, while they rage on. 

If all else fails, let them rant and don't say a single word. Eventually they'll realise that you haven't been talking and aren't fighting back and think they've won. Hopefully that will allow a momentary silence for you to step in. At this point you can let them know you've heard all the rediculous s*#% they managed to string together AND now it's your turn. 

Hopefully if you haven't tuned completely out of their rant, you will of picked up a few key points that you can calmly retort (sorry debating changes you), and with a few quick quips their argument is destroyed and they have to eat their words. 

Now like the disclaimer I said above, sometimes this may not be 100% effective, but I find it keeps me calmer in situations usually driven out of control. The key here is to stay calm, keep your tone firm and be unwavering but not unopen to the idea the whole thing may end without resolution. 

I hope this can help you guys in the future, 

[UPDATE] should be posting more regularly but I want to write based on how I feel and about subjects that feel right to me, so I can't promise a particular schedule. 

Luv,

Amber xx♥️

"There is a line between your past and your future"

That line was from Rachael Berry in Glee. But how true is that? The line is not necessarily physical, although some decide to change their appearance and cast aside one persona to become another - take Norma Jeane and Marilyn Monroe for a prime example - some however are more subtle lines, the last exchange of words, the change in lifestyle or the moment when you decide that you are no longer going to feel that way and that you deserve to let the new in.

I have been trying to draw my own lines, from the me that was bullied; from the me that was broken hearted on more than one occasion and from the me that was well younger than I am now. But the thing about lines are that once you cross them, there is no going back. And I don't really think you should live like that. 

This doesn't mean that you should live your life eternally stuck in a place that is frankly self destructive, but I think sometimes you need to own who you are and realise that something good will always come from anything bad, you just need to learn from it. 

I'm currently learning a lot more than I did about Marilyn - I kind of think she's becoming one of my idols - but she apparently once said, "Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together" and I think she was right. So perhaps a better way than drawing lines is to think of yourself remodelled, Amber 3.0 if you like, as after it all you aren't broken, you are just a different shape than before. 

So if you were once part of a pair, or been a bit dented along the way, remember that although you feel broken you aren't, you are just a bit different now. But most importantly you've taken on what happened and you own it, you aren't holding your own pity party and you're believing that you are more fabulous than before! 

But if you are out there feeling low, talk to someone; really anyone you trust. You have to remember you are not alone and I didn't realise until I looked on the internet how un-alone I was, there is (unfortunately) always someone who sympathises and the adivce they get given may help you too, you never know until you look. 

As always I hope you all are well, but if you want some advice comment below and I will do my best to help, 

Luv,

Amber xx♥️

2 Days Till Aduthood; A Post Series - Post Four: Quotes

Hey again,

I have a whiteboard at the end of my bed which hasn't been white for a while, because it contains my favourite quotes. I have also been collecting some on my Goodreads page where it is really easy to collect them and store them in a list. N.B. None of these are lyrics, I feel I should do a separate post for them.

Some of these are so inspirational, and are able to lift me from a bad mood, or brighten a sunny day.

I am going to post my top ten below, but in truth I have more than that and this could go on for ages, (if you want to see more search for me on Goodreads - Ambsg) so here is my top ten:

1. "I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all." - Coco Chanel
2. "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
3. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Bernard M. Baruch
4. "You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on Earth." - William W. Purkey
5. "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." - Sarah Williams
6. "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
7. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
8. "Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself..." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
9. "Creativity is intelligence having fun." - Albert Einstein
10. "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough" - Mae West

Anyway I hope you enjoyed these,

All the best,
Luv,
Amber xx♥

3 Days Till Adulthood; A Post Series - Post Three: Amnesty International

Dear all,

In the first post of this series, I spoke of one of my passions which I said I would talk about later, that passion is for the law, specifically within the realms of human rights and the extension of that is my passion for the charity Amnesty International. Over the past two years I have been running my schools Amnesty International group, furthering that to my participation in the AI UK Youth Advisory Group for the past year.

I have always been a supporter of Amnesty's work, but it was only when a member of their organisation came and spoke to us at school, that I realised I wanted to help make a change in the world. In the past I think I mentioned of my desire to study law, and the fact that I love public speaking and that I am often very passionate about causes I believe in.

The combination of all of my passions has lead me to believe I am truly able to make a difference and help defend the human rights of the world's people, even if it is just by sending a letter or signing my name on a petition. The smallest things really are worth it when you hear you are able to lift the spirits of someone in pain, all the way to the time you hear that the international spotlight has saved a life and you were part of that.

My future hope is to carry on my work for Amnesty in as many ways that I can. I do hope that I can be of use to them as an organisation and continue to draw attention to human rights abuses that go often unnoticed around the world, and to be able to defend those who suffer unjustly, in the hope of them obtaining justice in the end.

I wish you all to find something you are passionate about, and that it guides you to become to be the person you wish to be.

All the best,

Amber xx♥

Links:
Amnesty International UK
Amnesty International

4 Days Till Adulthood; A Post Series - Post Two: Small Ways To Happiness

Hey all,

Ok it is getting closer. I can't believe how real it all is.

In today's post I wanted to share some personal stuff about me that makes me really happy. I was going to do it in a Q&A form but I prefer a stream of writing so here it is:

1. I love hugs from my mum, especially before I go to bed. We are so close that it is just the best thing ever. I can't really say much else, but I love you mummy.
2. I also love my best friend's accents. When she does them I do what is know as my MJ laugh as I make a "hehe" noise replicating the famous Michael Jackson noise. They are currently banned in public places as I end up sometimes, let's be honest - more often than not, crying in laughter.
3. I love dancing and singing (along with the original track to help with my pitching) to some epic songs. Currently my two faves are; Ordinary People sung by Asher Brook from the 2012 version of Fame, I just love the lyrics and it is such a powerful song of just being an ordinary person in love with someone else and battling through the bad because the love for the other person is bigger than anything else. It is also sung by a guy which really helps with my low voice. In stark contrast, I also am a closet rapper and will quite happily sing all of the words to It Wasn't Me by Shaggy. I know, this song is about cheating which I abhor, but it's just so damn catchy and I love the song. (I think perhaps I am two different people) 
4. It makes me very happy that I can put my hair in a ponytail without looking in a mirror, successfully, 95% of the time. I barely ever put it up because I prefer wearing it down, but should I be cleaning or blogging as I am now, it is a very useful skill.
5. Finally, I love TV and film. I love romantic comedies. I cry when the couple reconciles after some big argument, I love that moment when they realise how much they love each other. However, I love really rubbish TV which is essentially white noise set to pictures. My heart does belong to shows like Game of Thrones, The Tudors, The White Queen, anything historical. I am gutted I don't have any current new series to watch so am currently re-watching The Tudors, it's just epic - she says reaching for Netflix ☺.

So that is a bit more about what makes me happy, if I can do it all in one day then that's pretty cool, otherwise doing one of them a day is enough to make me feel happy, along with seeing my cat's smiling happy face which is a constant.

Talking of my kitten, this is a recent Instagram of my cat when she was looking very cute, this is why she is my constant source of happiness:

 



Lots of luv,

Amber xx♥

5 Days Till Adulthood; A Post Series - Post One: Support

Hey all,

I am 5 days away from 18. Wow.  That is such a crazy thing to write down. I want to make this a post series in which I will write a post every day until midnight on the day I turn 18.

What can I say as a nearly adult. This past year I have grown more than I have in a long time, I am learning more about who I am as a person and what I like and don't like. Also I have learnt more about what I am truly passionate about but more to come on that soon.

Something I learnt only recently is that I really dislike being alone, and it is more than the fact I am recently single, I just really hate being by myself. I always knew I was good at making friends, but saying goodbye to friends I don't know when I will see again really made me realise how important they are to me. I also caught up with a friend who went to uni abroad and our chance meeting (Hi Laura!) made me really miss her company that I was so used to having around before she left. My saving grace however is that I am actually very rarely by myself, I always have my baby kitten to cuddle and the best parents I could ask for, which are always there if  I want to have a laugh and hang out - we really are the tightest of family units, friends as well as family. I always have the greatest friends in the world whose praises I can't sing high enough. I always have them at the end of the phone to call or text whenever I need a good laugh or a rant, it is the best thing to know that I am supported like that. I feel very lucky to have that network I know that some don't have.

So although I will soon be an adult, I am not a bird flying from the nest solo, I have the best support network I could ask for, so whatever happens I am not afraid, because, thankfully, I am never alone.

I hope that you all are not feeling alone, please understand if you are then reach out to someone and find some common ground with others. There are nearly 7 billion people on this planet and you will find someone with interests similar to you. If you would like me to write a post on friendships then leave me a comment on any of my social media or in the comments below.

See you all tomorrow,

Lots of Luv,

Amber xx♥

The real reason why time travel will never happen...

Hey all, 

I am a really big science-fiction nerd and I love the stories with time travel in them. But. I have realised one of the most obvious reasons why it has never been invented - or if it has then why no one uses it today. 

If you had the ability to time travel, most people given half the chance would go back in time and change something - now I know there are a few of you out there that fall into the "I have no regrets category" and that's awesome but I'm sure you did something cringy once that if you could take back you would. And that's the problem. 

Humanity wouldn't be it's beautifully flawed self if we didn't screw up sometimes or do something frankly laughable and cringe. We would never learn from our mistakes if we never made any. Even if you've been through the worst (eg break-ups, lost jobs, family fallouts etc.) you are stronger slightly scared after, than if you had never been through it at all. 

If you are wishing you never did that thing, you've got the wrong idea and I know it's hard but you've got to take whatever you can from it. If you've got a broken heart, at least for however long you had it, you had love. If you got fired at least you have work experience to take into your next job, which is more than most have. 

So if time travel had been invented I guess the person who did was smart enough to destroy it, and allow us all to make mistakes because we aren't perfect, yet that makes us perfectly human. 

Luv you guys,

Amber xx♥️

My Life Re-invented

Hello everyone,

So a period of my life has ended, I have done all of my a-level exams and am now free to pursue...what ever I want to really. It is really strange to have all of this free time and my own will is my own controller, its freedom at the highest level. I really am happy now, and it's a feeling I hope will last for a long time.

After a stressful period, probably the most testing six months of my life, I feel somewhat unburdened now. Things that have sort to sadden me are now simple memories which will always have there mark but they are more bruises than open-gaping wounds. I am a more rounded person now, I have learnt many a lesson and am opening a new chapter of my life, where the pages are all blank, waiting to make their own history.

I am also on the brink of becoming an adult, well at least a young one, as I am not far from my eighteenth birthday, which is just another key moment awaiting me, I cannot wait, I am really excited to see what this new year brings for me.

I guess for me my new year starts on my birthday, so although I know 2014 started in January, this new era starts later than that for me.

I am going to be more pro-active on all of my blogs, twitter etc. I also hope to have a YouTube channel soon so I will let you know when that gets going.

For now, it's a book then bed,

Night all, hope you are all ok,

Luv,

Amber xx♥

I am not a girl, nearly a woman...

Dear World, ooh that felt strange.

Hi everyone, it is just over one month until I hit the dizzy heights of 18, jeez that's scary to type let alone say out loud.

I am currently revising with my music on way louder than it should be, and Britney came on, all my nostalgia for my younger years when I never would of pictured studying Chaucer for a final tomorrow, I was too busy being an adorable little kid watching Postman Pat, now I watch things like Game of Thrones and Made in Chelsea, worlds away from what once was.

This is only a short post as I am going to make some lunch, I think I am going to have soup and apparently this post is just me being random lol.

What will being 18 feel like? I have no idea, but I can't wait to find out.

I hope you are all well,

Luv Amber xx♥

The difference between strong people and being strong...

Hey all, 

Recently I've been battling with the idea of being strong and like most unperfectly natural humans I'm pretty rubbish at it.

I am an emotionally driven person and once I'm battling something sad it turns into more of a crusade than a small brawl. Some days I am totally ok, and the next day a chink can find it's way into my armour and I am weakened for the foreseeable few days. 

However, overall I believe I am a strong person. I am very clear in what I want and expect and do not settle for anything less. I am also good to be leant on by other people who are struggling in their lives and I often exercise my right to reply if anything less than favourable gets suggested for me.

I am just not very good at personal attacks on my character. 

I think this is a remnant from when I was bullied, but whenever someone I know says something that directly attacks my person, it sticks (on the internet less so, as I can separate the anonymous hate stirrer from the words they write) and I replay it and it hurts. It's even worse if everyone around me says stuff like "they didn't mean it" because too me at least, they did. I do get past it eventually but I can't say I have an "I don't give a shit" dial that I can just turn on whenever someone is hurtful, I simply have to talk myself out of it and having a best friend is extremely useful (Hi Lily!), as they always remind you that at the end of the day they are words and it just doesn't matter, they will make you cry laughing so that you can forget, at least for a while, about how it hurts.

So I think you can be a strong person and absolutely suck at being strong yourself because to me there is a difference. But what do you think? Leave me a comment below if you've got any thoughts. 

All the best and lots of luv,

Amber xx♥️

Letting Go...

Dear Aphrodite,

Sometimes in life you have to just let go. I am a person who believes in second chances but if the door of that gets shut in your face, or sadly the chance is simply not there to take, the only remaining option is to let go.

Putting your heart on the line is the biggest risk you can take, which is why most people don't do it lightly, and some, sadly, don't do it at all. I want to say that it is so worth it, all of it, the falling, the just being, and when it ends, although it is the worst pain of all, I suppose if it really hurts then I guess you know it was all real.

Letting go, grieving, tears, they all are part of the same thing, but when it all gets hard you cannot wish you hadn't been in love because it is the best thing of all and you will find it again. If it wasn't the case then the world would be a very sad and lonely place, and not the beautiful place of wonder that it is.

No matter who you lose in life, or how you lose them, they will have changed you for the better and you'll of made an impact on their lives for the better too. 

This idea is summed up in the song "For Good" from the musical Wicked, when life forces two friends to live apart. I wanted to finish this post with the core part of the lyrics, just as they both realise how important they were to each other: 

[GLINDA:]
I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you.
I have been changed for good.

[ELPHABA:]
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So, let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you'll have rewritten mine
By being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you...

[GLINDA:]
Because I knew you...

[BOTH:]
I have been changed for good.

All the best to all of you out there, and Aphrodite thank you,

 

Amber xx♥

lyrics from: azlyrics.com

Playing the cards life deals you...

Hello everyone, (yes I am still alive!)

I was going to write a post about heartbreak sooner but I never really feel like I am doing it justice. Basically I was recently in a relationship with someone who I really loved but now we have ended. My love is still there and the memories chase me around, making the grieving period a lot more painful. 

And however much people tell me to forget and move on, I'm struggling. This wasn't a choice I made, I can't process it and instead I have to clean up the aftermath; my broken heart which is in pieces.

One of my favourite sayings (yet I have no idea who said it) is "you have to play the cards your dealt in life". I really love card games (I have an awesome poker face) so when it comes to life I really understand this idea. 

Although eager mathematicians claim that nothing is truly random in card games - life really is. This situation is just the latest one I have been dealt, and it's a pile of crap, but I have two options: fold and cave under the weight of the negative emotions I have (the ones that lead you to try and win your ex back, while just getting your heart broken further) or, you put on your poker face and try to be strong and carry on for the sake of your sanity - you may feel like falling apart but if you hold it together when you can, you are more likely to feel together and eventually, I hope, feel better. 

I want to assure any of you that:

1. If you are also heartbroken that one you are not alone, I'm here and there are others too unfortunately.

2. When you get those days when you feel really low, let it out because you need to let the emotions happen, it's a bit of a roller coaster in the first few months as I'm finding out.

3. You will find love again, I'm sure of it, if you did love then you will again I promise.

This motto however also applies to other things like exams, job interviews, uni/college applications, family issues, everything really. You just have to face whatever you get dealt next but know that you can face it no matter what and reap the rewards of life. Remember too, well at least in my opinion, everything happens for a reason and it teaches you something and you have to carry that with you to improve your life, after all you learnt it because you needed to. 

So deal me another hand please dealer, and let me hedge my bets on that,

All the best and lots of love guys,

Amber xx♥️