Hello all,
I got told that I made the brave choice by not going to university when I left college a year ago, but I hadn't thought I was particularly brave, I thought I was scared, messed up by a few years that had been too hard and I felt lucky to be standing when it was all over, not really the traditional description of brave.
And I had no clue what to do, I still make it up as I go along - fake it till you make it has never been a truer phrase. But somewhere in between the faking it, I started making it. My confidence has come on leaps and bounds, and I am better than I was before. But I am still not there and I think it will take a few more "brave" decisions before I do.
You are not the sum of all the bad decisions you make - that was what my mum told me when I was feeling embarrassed. She is right, you are a constant improvement on the version of you that came before but no one will hold you to your mistakes, you grow and you learn and everyone will forgive. If we all walked out of the womb perfect then we would live in a strange dystopian novel.
So sometimes it is good to make decisions you never thought you would; I was sure I was going to be at Cambridge studying Natural Sciences, I was going to be President of the USA, I was going to be married to Justin Timberlake (don't worry Jessica he's all yours), I never thought I would volunteer for a year, get the urge to travel, enjoy eating kale (I know) and like blow drying all 100 feet of my hair. The good thing about decisions you make is that they change you yes, but even when they give you what feels like a bad thing, in time it is because you weren't supposed to be that way, and that is how life tells you to divert off that path a bit.
The great thing about making your own choices is the only person you answer to is you. I said no to the teachers who told me I had to go to uni to make my life, and if I am wrong well then that is all on me. This week lots of people got their A Level results and I hope you all did well and are on your way to your own lives - wherever that may be, just please make yourself happy. Don't feel like you have to have it all planned out at the age of 18. Life changes and you will too.
If you take nothing away from this rambly blog of someone who is still learning every day then take this, be bold in your choices, be confident in yourself and if it all goes wrong then it just wasn't supposed to be. Do you, and own who you are. (and I think I need to take my own advice more).
Lots of love,
Amber x
