A good way to argue...

Hey guys,

Throughout my life, like many of yours I am sure, I have been faced with confrontation and dealt with it in a variety of terrible ways. But more recently, aided I think by my desire to be a barrister, I crafted my very own art of arguing, which to this day, works. 

A disclaimer before I start; confrontation comes in many forms. Sometimes someone will confront you with hurtful words and it will cause anger and tears, for moments that really break your heart, this method didn't even work for me. However in moments of arguement, when someone is just down right out of line; this method is kind of perfect. 

So basically people who are down-right wrong and lying, know full well they are, and they'll love to try to convince you they're not. But be firm and stick your ground, don't let anyone bully they're ideas past you just because they rock the foundations. 

Next, don't show anger. They'll love to know they got under your skin and will manipulate the situation from then. My best friend summed this up the best; "Lower your voice, strengthen your argument". Not only will it irritate the other person that you are not biting the carrot they are dangling in front of you but also it allows you to remain calm and focused, while they rage on. 

If all else fails, let them rant and don't say a single word. Eventually they'll realise that you haven't been talking and aren't fighting back and think they've won. Hopefully that will allow a momentary silence for you to step in. At this point you can let them know you've heard all the rediculous s*#% they managed to string together AND now it's your turn. 

Hopefully if you haven't tuned completely out of their rant, you will of picked up a few key points that you can calmly retort (sorry debating changes you), and with a few quick quips their argument is destroyed and they have to eat their words. 

Now like the disclaimer I said above, sometimes this may not be 100% effective, but I find it keeps me calmer in situations usually driven out of control. The key here is to stay calm, keep your tone firm and be unwavering but not unopen to the idea the whole thing may end without resolution. 

I hope this can help you guys in the future, 

[UPDATE] should be posting more regularly but I want to write based on how I feel and about subjects that feel right to me, so I can't promise a particular schedule. 

Luv,

Amber xx♥️

"There is a line between your past and your future"

That line was from Rachael Berry in Glee. But how true is that? The line is not necessarily physical, although some decide to change their appearance and cast aside one persona to become another - take Norma Jeane and Marilyn Monroe for a prime example - some however are more subtle lines, the last exchange of words, the change in lifestyle or the moment when you decide that you are no longer going to feel that way and that you deserve to let the new in.

I have been trying to draw my own lines, from the me that was bullied; from the me that was broken hearted on more than one occasion and from the me that was well younger than I am now. But the thing about lines are that once you cross them, there is no going back. And I don't really think you should live like that. 

This doesn't mean that you should live your life eternally stuck in a place that is frankly self destructive, but I think sometimes you need to own who you are and realise that something good will always come from anything bad, you just need to learn from it. 

I'm currently learning a lot more than I did about Marilyn - I kind of think she's becoming one of my idols - but she apparently once said, "Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together" and I think she was right. So perhaps a better way than drawing lines is to think of yourself remodelled, Amber 3.0 if you like, as after it all you aren't broken, you are just a different shape than before. 

So if you were once part of a pair, or been a bit dented along the way, remember that although you feel broken you aren't, you are just a bit different now. But most importantly you've taken on what happened and you own it, you aren't holding your own pity party and you're believing that you are more fabulous than before! 

But if you are out there feeling low, talk to someone; really anyone you trust. You have to remember you are not alone and I didn't realise until I looked on the internet how un-alone I was, there is (unfortunately) always someone who sympathises and the adivce they get given may help you too, you never know until you look. 

As always I hope you all are well, but if you want some advice comment below and I will do my best to help, 

Luv,

Amber xx♥️

2 Days Till Aduthood; A Post Series - Post Four: Quotes

Hey again,

I have a whiteboard at the end of my bed which hasn't been white for a while, because it contains my favourite quotes. I have also been collecting some on my Goodreads page where it is really easy to collect them and store them in a list. N.B. None of these are lyrics, I feel I should do a separate post for them.

Some of these are so inspirational, and are able to lift me from a bad mood, or brighten a sunny day.

I am going to post my top ten below, but in truth I have more than that and this could go on for ages, (if you want to see more search for me on Goodreads - Ambsg) so here is my top ten:

1. "I don't care what you think about me, I don't think about you at all." - Coco Chanel
2. "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
3. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Bernard M. Baruch
4. "You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like it's heaven on Earth." - William W. Purkey
5. "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." - Sarah Williams
6. "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi
7. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
8. "Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself..." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
9. "Creativity is intelligence having fun." - Albert Einstein
10. "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough" - Mae West

Anyway I hope you enjoyed these,

All the best,
Luv,
Amber xx♥

4 Days Till Adulthood; A Post Series - Post Two: Small Ways To Happiness

Hey all,

Ok it is getting closer. I can't believe how real it all is.

In today's post I wanted to share some personal stuff about me that makes me really happy. I was going to do it in a Q&A form but I prefer a stream of writing so here it is:

1. I love hugs from my mum, especially before I go to bed. We are so close that it is just the best thing ever. I can't really say much else, but I love you mummy.
2. I also love my best friend's accents. When she does them I do what is know as my MJ laugh as I make a "hehe" noise replicating the famous Michael Jackson noise. They are currently banned in public places as I end up sometimes, let's be honest - more often than not, crying in laughter.
3. I love dancing and singing (along with the original track to help with my pitching) to some epic songs. Currently my two faves are; Ordinary People sung by Asher Brook from the 2012 version of Fame, I just love the lyrics and it is such a powerful song of just being an ordinary person in love with someone else and battling through the bad because the love for the other person is bigger than anything else. It is also sung by a guy which really helps with my low voice. In stark contrast, I also am a closet rapper and will quite happily sing all of the words to It Wasn't Me by Shaggy. I know, this song is about cheating which I abhor, but it's just so damn catchy and I love the song. (I think perhaps I am two different people) 
4. It makes me very happy that I can put my hair in a ponytail without looking in a mirror, successfully, 95% of the time. I barely ever put it up because I prefer wearing it down, but should I be cleaning or blogging as I am now, it is a very useful skill.
5. Finally, I love TV and film. I love romantic comedies. I cry when the couple reconciles after some big argument, I love that moment when they realise how much they love each other. However, I love really rubbish TV which is essentially white noise set to pictures. My heart does belong to shows like Game of Thrones, The Tudors, The White Queen, anything historical. I am gutted I don't have any current new series to watch so am currently re-watching The Tudors, it's just epic - she says reaching for Netflix ☺.

So that is a bit more about what makes me happy, if I can do it all in one day then that's pretty cool, otherwise doing one of them a day is enough to make me feel happy, along with seeing my cat's smiling happy face which is a constant.

Talking of my kitten, this is a recent Instagram of my cat when she was looking very cute, this is why she is my constant source of happiness:

 



Lots of luv,

Amber xx♥

5 Days Till Adulthood; A Post Series - Post One: Support

Hey all,

I am 5 days away from 18. Wow.  That is such a crazy thing to write down. I want to make this a post series in which I will write a post every day until midnight on the day I turn 18.

What can I say as a nearly adult. This past year I have grown more than I have in a long time, I am learning more about who I am as a person and what I like and don't like. Also I have learnt more about what I am truly passionate about but more to come on that soon.

Something I learnt only recently is that I really dislike being alone, and it is more than the fact I am recently single, I just really hate being by myself. I always knew I was good at making friends, but saying goodbye to friends I don't know when I will see again really made me realise how important they are to me. I also caught up with a friend who went to uni abroad and our chance meeting (Hi Laura!) made me really miss her company that I was so used to having around before she left. My saving grace however is that I am actually very rarely by myself, I always have my baby kitten to cuddle and the best parents I could ask for, which are always there if  I want to have a laugh and hang out - we really are the tightest of family units, friends as well as family. I always have the greatest friends in the world whose praises I can't sing high enough. I always have them at the end of the phone to call or text whenever I need a good laugh or a rant, it is the best thing to know that I am supported like that. I feel very lucky to have that network I know that some don't have.

So although I will soon be an adult, I am not a bird flying from the nest solo, I have the best support network I could ask for, so whatever happens I am not afraid, because, thankfully, I am never alone.

I hope that you all are not feeling alone, please understand if you are then reach out to someone and find some common ground with others. There are nearly 7 billion people on this planet and you will find someone with interests similar to you. If you would like me to write a post on friendships then leave me a comment on any of my social media or in the comments below.

See you all tomorrow,

Lots of Luv,

Amber xx♥