"There is a line between your past and your future"

That line was from Rachael Berry in Glee. But how true is that? The line is not necessarily physical, although some decide to change their appearance and cast aside one persona to become another - take Norma Jeane and Marilyn Monroe for a prime example - some however are more subtle lines, the last exchange of words, the change in lifestyle or the moment when you decide that you are no longer going to feel that way and that you deserve to let the new in.

I have been trying to draw my own lines, from the me that was bullied; from the me that was broken hearted on more than one occasion and from the me that was well younger than I am now. But the thing about lines are that once you cross them, there is no going back. And I don't really think you should live like that. 

This doesn't mean that you should live your life eternally stuck in a place that is frankly self destructive, but I think sometimes you need to own who you are and realise that something good will always come from anything bad, you just need to learn from it. 

I'm currently learning a lot more than I did about Marilyn - I kind of think she's becoming one of my idols - but she apparently once said, "Good things fall apart, so better things can fall together" and I think she was right. So perhaps a better way than drawing lines is to think of yourself remodelled, Amber 3.0 if you like, as after it all you aren't broken, you are just a different shape than before. 

So if you were once part of a pair, or been a bit dented along the way, remember that although you feel broken you aren't, you are just a bit different now. But most importantly you've taken on what happened and you own it, you aren't holding your own pity party and you're believing that you are more fabulous than before! 

But if you are out there feeling low, talk to someone; really anyone you trust. You have to remember you are not alone and I didn't realise until I looked on the internet how un-alone I was, there is (unfortunately) always someone who sympathises and the adivce they get given may help you too, you never know until you look. 

As always I hope you all are well, but if you want some advice comment below and I will do my best to help, 

Luv,

Amber xx♥️

4 Days Till Adulthood; A Post Series - Post Two: Small Ways To Happiness

Hey all,

Ok it is getting closer. I can't believe how real it all is.

In today's post I wanted to share some personal stuff about me that makes me really happy. I was going to do it in a Q&A form but I prefer a stream of writing so here it is:

1. I love hugs from my mum, especially before I go to bed. We are so close that it is just the best thing ever. I can't really say much else, but I love you mummy.
2. I also love my best friend's accents. When she does them I do what is know as my MJ laugh as I make a "hehe" noise replicating the famous Michael Jackson noise. They are currently banned in public places as I end up sometimes, let's be honest - more often than not, crying in laughter.
3. I love dancing and singing (along with the original track to help with my pitching) to some epic songs. Currently my two faves are; Ordinary People sung by Asher Brook from the 2012 version of Fame, I just love the lyrics and it is such a powerful song of just being an ordinary person in love with someone else and battling through the bad because the love for the other person is bigger than anything else. It is also sung by a guy which really helps with my low voice. In stark contrast, I also am a closet rapper and will quite happily sing all of the words to It Wasn't Me by Shaggy. I know, this song is about cheating which I abhor, but it's just so damn catchy and I love the song. (I think perhaps I am two different people) 
4. It makes me very happy that I can put my hair in a ponytail without looking in a mirror, successfully, 95% of the time. I barely ever put it up because I prefer wearing it down, but should I be cleaning or blogging as I am now, it is a very useful skill.
5. Finally, I love TV and film. I love romantic comedies. I cry when the couple reconciles after some big argument, I love that moment when they realise how much they love each other. However, I love really rubbish TV which is essentially white noise set to pictures. My heart does belong to shows like Game of Thrones, The Tudors, The White Queen, anything historical. I am gutted I don't have any current new series to watch so am currently re-watching The Tudors, it's just epic - she says reaching for Netflix ☺.

So that is a bit more about what makes me happy, if I can do it all in one day then that's pretty cool, otherwise doing one of them a day is enough to make me feel happy, along with seeing my cat's smiling happy face which is a constant.

Talking of my kitten, this is a recent Instagram of my cat when she was looking very cute, this is why she is my constant source of happiness:

 



Lots of luv,

Amber xx♥

Playing the cards life deals you...

Hello everyone, (yes I am still alive!)

I was going to write a post about heartbreak sooner but I never really feel like I am doing it justice. Basically I was recently in a relationship with someone who I really loved but now we have ended. My love is still there and the memories chase me around, making the grieving period a lot more painful. 

And however much people tell me to forget and move on, I'm struggling. This wasn't a choice I made, I can't process it and instead I have to clean up the aftermath; my broken heart which is in pieces.

One of my favourite sayings (yet I have no idea who said it) is "you have to play the cards your dealt in life". I really love card games (I have an awesome poker face) so when it comes to life I really understand this idea. 

Although eager mathematicians claim that nothing is truly random in card games - life really is. This situation is just the latest one I have been dealt, and it's a pile of crap, but I have two options: fold and cave under the weight of the negative emotions I have (the ones that lead you to try and win your ex back, while just getting your heart broken further) or, you put on your poker face and try to be strong and carry on for the sake of your sanity - you may feel like falling apart but if you hold it together when you can, you are more likely to feel together and eventually, I hope, feel better. 

I want to assure any of you that:

1. If you are also heartbroken that one you are not alone, I'm here and there are others too unfortunately.

2. When you get those days when you feel really low, let it out because you need to let the emotions happen, it's a bit of a roller coaster in the first few months as I'm finding out.

3. You will find love again, I'm sure of it, if you did love then you will again I promise.

This motto however also applies to other things like exams, job interviews, uni/college applications, family issues, everything really. You just have to face whatever you get dealt next but know that you can face it no matter what and reap the rewards of life. Remember too, well at least in my opinion, everything happens for a reason and it teaches you something and you have to carry that with you to improve your life, after all you learnt it because you needed to. 

So deal me another hand please dealer, and let me hedge my bets on that,

All the best and lots of love guys,

Amber xx♥️

A poem about Love...

Dear Readers,

I haven't written poetry for about three years and last night I was inspired to write again.

This is a poem about love;

Why am I up at this time of night?
Turned off the day, switched off the light,
Am staring at this big bright moon,
Whose glow is shining through the gloom.

My prince as ever waits for me,
In wind or rain, with chivalry,
The stars that twinkle up above,
All align and point to love.

I am yet to meet him though,
The tide that takes him to and fro,
One day when the time is right,
He'll stand and prepare to make this fight.

Love is a battlefield,
So they say,
A war can seem,
Like the only way.

So I will watch upon these shores,
To welcome him through open doors,
He will launch a thousand ships for me,
Some may call it an army.

But on this night,
Up above,
 The stars align,
And point to love.
 

Hope you like it,

 

Love,

 

Amber xx♥