Romance Hides, Its a simple matter of finding it.

Hey guys,

So I've been a bit unwell recently so have been catching up on all the chick flick television and movies that made me fall in love with romance in the first place and so despite my absence I am back.

This is actually a very easy one for me to write now that I am maturing a bit, or growing into my ears as my mum calls it.

So basically many people write in lonely hearts columns and look on the internet for love thinking that is some rarity that only the lucky find, but I am a big believer that all it takes is a bit of confidence and Cupid's arrows are metaphorically drawn to you. Some people are missing a rather large trick that I will let you all in to now. Socialising. We live our lives at work or on the internet and life has become rather desensitized and that kills romance. Long gone are the days of it being cool to join a club - most people join as couples if they do and humanity expects love to move on to the web as we have. But as I have said before, the key to love is chemistry (maybe biology for good measure) and without organic chemistry of other humans love stands at poor odds of success.

My tip for anyone is to engage in conversation with the person who you see everyday in the office but have never spoken to. Join clubs and talk, meet as many new people as you can. Somewhere amongst the many people who may pass you by, there may be a firm friend, or a new love. It's essentially primary school playground theorem; when you were younger in the playground, you would see a new person and chat and before long you would be friends. That's how I met Lily and over time we have become the best of friends - she is like a sister I never had. It's the same with joining a club or working in an office, you will only make friends if you talk, don't think just adding them on Facebook is enough, with the occasional poke as a sign of friendship.

To put it plainly, Romeo and Juliet were of rival households and would of never met if Romeo hadn't snuck into the the party and, blinded by her beauty, spoke to her. The same for Aphrodite and her many human lovers, she was a goddess and it was definitely hard to win her over but most wouldn't just bump into her in the street.

So romance is hiding in plain sight, now go hunt it down, be bold, have nothing to fear.

All it takes is a hello to the right person.

Luv, Amber xx♥

Don't ever let your light fade...

Hey guys,

Life is really quiet strange sometimes. I remember starting secondary school and thinking what the hell am I going to do here? Now I am sitting with that part of my life closely finishing and I am looking back and thinking did I make an impact? Gandhi once said "Everything you do in life is insignificant, but it's important you do it" and every time I have to ask myself why? I remember it and think it's what I have to do.  I am an enigma in a world full of people trying to find a purpose for their lives because I know I have a purpose, I just need it to find me. Every choice I have made was for a reason and I am not going to stop now. Just because I am ever more looking towards a path that I should follow is no reason for me to change. I have to choose the four subjects that will change my life and I have looked at Uni's and decided amongst the amass that is my future I can see myself in a few certain situations and I know the subjects I want to take to get myself there, its better to work backwards from the goal to the start than to run into a wall you wern't expecting. My mind may change and I have made room for that - being the sensible girl I am. It helps to roughly know yourself by now.

So Four subjects, Two years, 3 A2 Levels and 1 As, a potential end destination, all starts with the boxes I tick and the T's I cross.

Its surreal.

Amongst my many years however, I have always been a certain person, though slightly evolved. My personality is my light, and although in dark times it has been slightly dimmed, I have always tried to be true to myself, because if you can't do that then you can't be true to anyone else. And I urge all of you who reads this, whoever you are and whatever age, never let your light fade. Its the best part of you, it makes people want to be with you, it makes people love you, it makes people care. The world is a dark place but let yourself be the beacon that guides others out of it. Don't stand in someone else's shade because it's easier to let them shine. You can be brighter than the sun, or the stars, or the supernova's and that's supposed to be pretty bright according to current science!

Being true can seem like a minefield if you are trying to find yourself, trust me, but all you need is your heart, your light is shining from there. If you are struggling surround yourself with your friends lights and they will guide you because:

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try and fix you...."

Lots of love guys,

Amber xx

Everything falls into place.

Hey guys,

It's such a cliched phrase but it's the root of my year review. As you know I am a strong believer in universal balance but only until this year did I realise its true power.

This year has had major highlights, including my very first long haul flight which took me to India. I saw some amazing things and some very saddening things, it's one of those places where you see a bank next to a slum, but hey, that's irony for you. I did enjoy this trip, it was spiritually very eye-opening, you think Britain is multi-faith well in India you have Buddhists, Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims; all very passionate and strong willed, living in harmony and with very little dispute, which is unusual to most multi-faith countries if you believe what you read.

I also experienced my first holiday (well I don't really know what to call it) which showed me that most holiday glimmers fade with nostalgia when you get home. Shame really. I have, despite that, made some really good friends and plans to go back to Tolo when I am older.

I have been working very hard this year which is one of the reasons this blog has been neglected, GCSE's began in June and then the stress rolled in, which has been good to learn to handle, if at worst I feel I can cope better now I have been through it once.

As I mentioned in the last post I also lost my great-grandad this year and he was buried last Friday. I think watching a human die has to be the world's worst thing to experience, definitely made me a stronger person.

I guess that the best thing that has changed me this year is learning not to take anyone's bullshit any more, I have spent to long feeling weak and pathetic and something inside of me just said "Amber, what the hell are you doing?" and I realised that I wasn't going to let it get to me anymore. Now I am not playing the martyr card here and really don't want sympathy, I just now don't have the tolerance to take crap anymore. This year there was a massive argument between two of my closest friends and me and in the end I just realised it wasn't fair and spoke up, I lost one of my friends but now I'm after a drama free life and I deserve it.

So I am stronger, I've cried a bit and I have had one of the biggest years to change me in a long time, I know who my true friends are, who has my heart and trust, I love my parents more than anything in the world and I am starting to sort my head out into a vague idea for the future but as Harry says in the new film:

"Hermione! When have any of our plans ever worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose!"

Which is so true, the whole world sorts itself out in the end, Wars start, peace comes, Loose your job, get the job of your dreams, Broken heart, finding the person that should of been there all along etc...

The world in balance.

Love you guys,

Amber xx

the Taj Mahal in the distance, the symbol of symmetry and love. 2011

Immortality of the Soul.

Readers, Friends,

Yesterday at 9.15am I lost my great-grandad John Henderson. He was 95. He had lived through the end of one and fought in the second World War. He was the strongest, kindest, cheekiest and loving man I have ever met. Me and my mum were by his side when he took his last breath. He held on to life until the very end. He was at peace and comfortable. I am honoured to of had him in my life. It's only when you watch life end that you really understand what life is and how wonderful it is.

The strangest thing is the advice people give you when you loose someone is similar to when you have a broken heart. It's mainly be strong and eat chocolate. Both are very good pieces of advice. However people tend to want to give you space but for me that's the last thing I want. If I sit on my own in the quiet all I will do is cry. It may sound ridiculous but when I am on my own and sad I am my own worst enemy. So all I have done is rally the girls around me and distracted myself. I will never be able to forget him but he would not want me to be beside myself and crying 24/7. School is a massive help. 6 hours a day when I don't have any extra headspace. Perfect. It never gets easier to get over loosing someone, the days just become easier to deal with. One at a time.

I hope this reaches out to anyone who has lost anyone. I wish you all the best.

Love,

Amber x

Grandad - RIP ♥

Crossroads.

Hey Guys,

I am so so sorry that I have been a bit distant recently. Life has definitely been interesting to say the least. I recently came back from India and landed myself several tonnes of homework in return and also had a few personal hiccups along the way... But I am officially back and ready to look into the future.

This post has been a long time coming and it is about the choices you make in life.

My theory is that every so often you look at a choice and you should visualise the decisions as paths of a crossroads, consider all reactions ( "every action has an opposite and equal reaction" Newtonian Law of Motion) and then make your move. If everyone did that then any third parties (the ones stuck in the middle) would suffer a lot less headaches and there would be less tears shed overall.

I also believe strongly that every person has to head down a certain path of the crossroads around the age of 15 (or though sometimes younger) and this is the one that decides what kind of person you are. Not who you are in terms of what job or life you will have; the path that decides how long your relationships will be, who with, how many relationships you will have, when (or) if you settle down... I am sure you get the drift!

All these factors depend on which personality path you take, if your nice or not, loving or evil, easy or actually has a grasp of self respect, desperate or happy to wait for love. From my observations people tend to head down the same path as all their friends, not only making them sheep but also living with a choice that they do not actually feel is right for them. This choice is important because people will judge you on it. If people get close to you and get put off by the choice you make then you may loose a perfectly good relationship for nothing. This has nothing to do with how you present yourself, its all about the inner person.

One example is the perfectly nice person on the surface and then the switch flicks and the deceitful person comes out who can break a heart. These people cannot be helped and you have to just get over them because they will never change, they could be a best friend, a lover, someone you give your heart to fully and out of nowhere comes a dark place they hide from the world. I hope you never find one, they are not very common I promise and trust me, it's not your fault they often have issues deeper than you could know.

On a lighter note, sometimes, you meet a person and cannot believe your luck because they are your match in every way and although it can take time, will be some of the truest of friends you will ever meet, when you find it treasure it because it will be the best thing that can happen to you.

To finish in time old fashion with a quote:

"In the progress of personality, first comes a declaration of independence, then a recognition of interdependence." Henry Van Dyke

Luv, Amber xx

Life is meant to try you...

Hey guys,

Basically the last few months of my life have been hard to say the least. Friendships have been torn, my home life dropped a bomb on my summer and my school life has been turning up the pressure but somewhere amongst all the crazy I shook myself and remembered a line from S Club 7 (my childhood hero's) "life is meant to try you but your time is comin' around" and it inspired me to write this post which has been a long time coming.

Basically I am not a theist but I do believe there is a grand design which has set us on a path of life. And life is hard. When adults say it in a kinda tough luck way, instantly your mind goes to "k." but it is actually really hard and it is the way you deal with it that makes you who you are. So life is hard - but what can you do about it, well there isn't a manual unfortunately and that sucks (they have manuals for kids toys that are just binned but not for the important stuff, mad) So all you have to do is remember that basically it gets better and your good fortune comes around. It takes several trips into the dark to bring out the light.

When it all gets too hard, don't put up a wall and pretend you're ok if you're not. Breakdown. Cry. Let it all out and turn to someone who knows you the best, your heart. Your heart is there to tell you everything will be ok. Every fortune will come true. Every table will turn. So once you let it out trust me, it will feel better. Then look at yourself in the mirror, dry your eyes and smile. Remember that there is something about you so mind blowing that you make everyone jealous. You're just too fabulous.

Life is crazy. One moment you can be on top of the world and having huge success. Then in a second someone can be bitchy and absolutely crush your mood. I have had a crappy day and couldn't of felt worse and an unexpected text has made me grin like a soppy cartoon character, and I have had the best day then get sad news about someone I love. I never loose the hope it will be alright in the end.

To finish I have to end with a quote from a man who wrote books that are frankly genius. I also happen to believe it sums up how life feels very well:

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it"

-Douglas Adam The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Never forget who you are,

Amber xx

All a girl needs.....

Hey readers,

This post is kinda aimed at females but I hope it won't alienate my male readers. Basically this is me thanking the most important people in my life and hoping to teach you my readers that when life gets hard there is always someone who will listen to your ranting anytime of day or night and pick you up whenever you are down - for me it's my girls and my mum.

Firstly Mum, wow I can't really write everything I have to thank you for down because its every single day for 15 years and 9 months. I cannot thank you enough for the cuddles, the conversations and the friendship that makes us more than just mum and daughter, we are friends, best friends. I love you and care about you more than anything on the Earth. Thank you.

Lily, For 10 years we have had the most fun. I have quiet literally cried with laughter (only to have you say I sound like a certain Mr.MJ lol) when I am with you and we have so many memories. You have slept over in all 3 of the houses I have lived in and I mean it when I say I actually have no idea what I would do without you, you're the sister I never had. Thank you.

My girls, all of you and you know who you are. Whenever I have needed you, you have been there. I completly trust you and I can lean on you anytime. I hope I am as good a friend to you as you have been to me because you are the nicest girls alive. I can't wait to see you girls grow up with me, I have many more sleepovers and bbq's to throw and I want you all there. I love you girls.

All of you, even if you wern't mentioned specifically, have pulled me out of some massive dark times and this post is the start of my thank you.

So for all of my readers who think you are alone, doubt yourself, have been dumped, have been used, feel lost, need support or just a hug, believe me when I say that if you reach out far enough there will be someone there to help and you will make a friend for life. That's what I did and I have never felt more thankful for friendship.

Thank you and love you,

Amber xx